An Open Letter to the Boys of My Past

An Open Letter to the boys of my past:

1)       I understand your reasons - for hurting me, for leaving me, for not standing by me, for cheating on me, for mistreating me, for not loving me, for taking advantage of me, for using me, for making me feel like an object, for abandoning me, for not choosing me, for rejecting me, for walking away from me…they were either done to you or were told or shown to you to be the correct way, or you simply felt like you couldn’t let your walls down & allow something real in. You were hurting too when you hurt me, because broken people break other people. I get that. You weren’t meant to, able to, capable of, or really allowed the right opportunity in the right timing to fill that role in my life.

2)       I still wish good things for you - for hurting me, for leaving me, for not standing by me, for cheating on me, for mistreating me, for not loving me, for taking advantage of me, for using me, for making me feel like an object, for abandoning me, for not choosing me, for rejecting me, for walking away from me…because no one deserves to feel that way about themselves, not even you.

3)       I pray for you - for hurting me, for leaving me, for not standing by me, for cheating on me, for mistreating me, for not loving me, for taking advantage of me, for using me, for making me feel like an object, for abandoning me, for not choosing me, for rejecting me,  for walking away from me…because I know that some or most of you are now coupled up or married with families & I want nothing but good things for your girlfriends/fiancés/wives & children that you actually chose to be part of your lives forever, & I pray that they bring out the best sides of you that maybe you weren’t able to let out with others.

4)       Thank you – for hurting me, for leaving me, for not standing by me, for cheating on me, for mistreating me, for not loving me, for taking advantage of me, for using me, for making me feel like an object,  for abandoning me, for not choosing me, for rejecting me, for walking away from me….because I have realized that those things are not what people who truly love, care, & want the best for you do to you, & it makes me super thankful that someday someone won’t do those things & that I will be able to appreciate him all the more for it having been on the other side of the treatment coin.

5)       I forgive you – for hurting me, for leaving me, for not standing by me, for cheating on me, for mistreating me, for not loving me, for taking advantage of me, for using me, for making me feel like an object,  for abandoning me, for not choosing me, for rejecting me, for walking away from me…because I wouldn’t have realized how much forgiveness is part of life, & that forgiving you doesn’t necessarily effect you, you may not even care or think you need to be forgiven, but it allows me to be at peace whether I actually ever hear an apology or not. I still have forgiveness for your words & actions against me in my heart.

Lastly, I’m sorry if you’ve been hurt, left, not stood by, cheated on, mistreated, not loved, taken advantage of, used, objectified, abandoned, not chosen, rejected, or walked away from…maybe that’s what spurred you down that path of treating others that way to begin with. Remember though, that just because they may have been done to you, doesn’t mean that anyone deserves the heartache that comes along with those things, regardless of the things they’ve done themselves. But if they did happen to you, I hope they made you a real man, one who realizes that isn’t the way to treat others once experiencing it yourself, or realizing the emptiness of treating women that way, & wanting better for yourself & the people in your life. I hope it made you better & not bitter. I hope it catapulted you into positive changes & relationships & out of all of the negatives & the drama & the hurting. I hope you found healing. It has certainly raised my bar to a height of lovely proportion & I couldn’t have gotten to this place without the little digs & cuts to my heart along the way. In a way, it was essential for my own healing. The hurts were needed to find my true worth within myself & now I can look forward to the future having learned some very valuable lessons along the way from you boys of my past. & I can rest assured, knowing full well now what I truly deserve from someone, which is everything I have to offer in return.

With a hopeful & happy heart,

Sunshine 

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