As I am preparing to leave on a jet plane this morning with my love for a weekend getaway I have been thinking about expectations and all the things that I want to have happen, that I am preparing for and expectations of this trip and how the city will treat us while we are there.
My husband just rolls his eyes and says “lets just go and have fun! No plans, no requirements, just you and me! We are the ones that will make it fun!”
I let out a big sigh, he is usually right…that happens A LOT.
My mind started to wonder and I started reviewing things that have been going on in my life lately, the past few months if I am being totally honest and I have been thinking aboutrelationships. I have been analyzing friendships that I have lost and things that have greatly changed my course because of these things.
The anger started to boil inside of me and then it hit me….
The months of anger and disappointment and resentment and frustrations that I have been feeling were all on me. I really hate when that happens, yet another thing that happens A LOT.
It really is ok to have expectations of others, we want the best from people and because we love ourselves we truly feel that we deserve to be treated at a certain standard and that is ok. But we really have to be careful that we don’t allow ourselves to be so deeply disappointed when those in our lives don’t meet those expectations.
We want people to respect us, allow us to just be us, to love us and support us even through all of our imperfections…why is it then we get so upset and hurt and angry when others act opposite of our expectations? Don’t they have the same rights to be human?
When my emotional happiness is based on others reactions to my great expectations of them I am in big trouble.
Here is what happens. I have an expectation and a friend doesn’t meet that expectation. My emotional happiness is tied to that, my sense of entitlement that I “deserve better” shifts into overdrive and I start manipulate and try to control the other person…force them into being what I WANT THEM TO BE…
um….I am sure you can guess how well that works out.
The result is where I have been for the past few months. Angry, disappointed, hurt, jealous, frustrated and so on.
5 lessons I am taking from this moment in my life.
(I love moments like these, that teach me and that push further growth)
1. I have written this “rule book” for others for my life and how I want to be treated but then I don’t show anyone or tell anyone the contents of this book….and then I am disappointed when they do things that hurt me? really….who do I think I am? I am allowing myself to RELEASE all rules. It should never come with conditions.
2. It is perfectly ok for me to stay away from others that do not honor values.
3. I can make all the requests that I want, but I have to understand that others can do what they want with those requests.
4. I am taking the power back! We think that if people will change we will be happy, we think that if people act how we want them to then we would be happy….but would we really? There would always be something else. I am not tying my emotional happiness to the actions of others. I have the power to create my OWN happiness.
5. I am Not entitled to have any one act a certain way. I am ONLY entitled to how I feel and how I think.
Deep and meaningful relationships don’t exist when we pretend. The best way to honor ourselves and those that we truly care about is to be honest, to allow for error, to allow for freedom of their emotions and actions, to allow room for forgiveness and sometimes, be willing to sacrifice the relationship without blame or anger.
In every relationship, even the ones that stay for only a brief moment, there are things to learn, ways to grow, options to become better. I am learning, I am striving to be better in my own relationships, to raise my own bar and to allow for others to just be….