I would like to introduce you all to Mrs. Kasoogi. She is my sweet Tweedle's Ugly Doll. She has been with us since my daughter was born in 2010. For 4 1/2 years she has not left her side. They are best friends.
Over this past weekend we went to cheer along my father and brother as they participated in the Saints to Sinners Bike Relay Race, and of course "Soogi" was there like so many times before.
We said goodbye to the team as they headed through Marysvale Canyon and my mother and I and the kiddies stopped for lunch. Mrs. Kasoogi ate with us and then as we gathered phones and wallets and kids and took potty breaks she got left on the table and we drove away.
2 hours later we returned home and as we unloaded the car we discovered that she was no longer with us.
Now as a mother, watching your child break down into tears over the loss of her best friend is heartbreaking. It doesn't help that as a mother I am VERY nostalgic and have a hard time of letting things like that go. Immediately my hubby got on the phone to the restaurant and sure enough...Soogi was sitting in the LOST N' FOUND and we were promised that she would be kept safe until Saturday when we could load up the family, drive the two hours up to Big Rock Candy Mountain to retrieve our other family member.
The rest of the evening was spent comforting our sweet Tweedle who was heart broken over the fact that her friend was sleeping in a box and was so worried whether or not she would be safe!
I had a few thoughts jump into my head as I sat with her about INTERNAL VS. EXTERNAL comforts and what we cling to for comfort, support, validation, and security.
There have been so many years in my life that when I was falling apart I would almost instinctively open the bottle, call one of the many for comfort for the night, meet up with the girls for a night out...etc
These things became my external comfort. I depended on them, I needed them.
It has been a dangerous dependency.
I wonder how many of us cling to those external comforts because they are easy, we don't have to take pause and we know that even if just for a moment they will accomplish what we expect them to.
It is a lot more work, when life is in turmoil, to take pause. It is a lot more work to go to your internal comforts, to go through your process, to work the steps. But isn't that where we should be if we are truly doing the work to heal our soul?!
There is a difference my dear BIG TOUGH GIRL soul sisters between a little worldly entertainment and a dependency upon external comforts to get us through the really rough patches.
It is not as cute to watch myself as an adult have a come apart when I can't get my hands on a drink then watching my 4 year old cry over a lost companion.
Where are our comforts coming from? Is is food, alcohol, sex, friendships/relationships, social media, etc etc
is it taking pause, getting quiet, bleeding it out on paper, prayer, meditation, life coaches, support communities, God, our truth tellers, our own process that we have designed?
It is never easy to let go of the crutches, to walk on our own without the companionship of external devices.
I am learning more and more how to take pause, how to give myself some time to process and work the steps before reaching for the external comforts. It is a daily practice but I am learning to stand on my own two feet and that feels pretty damn good!
BTW- We took a beautiful drive as a family to go on the GREAT SOOGI RESCUE, all is right with the world.