I laugh to myself sometimes when I get told of the great example that my husband and I are, the great hope that we offer for #relationshipgoals and the appreciation for the pure and deep friendship that we have with each other...not because I don't appreciate it, believe it or see it but because It took us a long time to get here and we had to fight many battles to find each other. We met broken and bloody from battle after battle and we burned our lives to the ground and rebuilt them in each others arms. THIS IS A TRUE, MESSY AND POWERFUL LOVE STORY that has never been shared like this before. It is my prayer that our story will inspire you in your search for love whether it is in the person next to you or in the person unknown.
DISCLAIMER: As I share scenes from my love story that I have NEVER shared publicly before I just want to warn you that this is NOT a pretty love story. It has a lot of ugly and it gets WAY worse before it gets better. There were many hearts broken and many victims of my battles for love. There is nothing that you can say about me and my love story that I have not already said to myself. I know who I am, I know where I am and I know that the love that I have now is the truest and greatest love that I will ever hope to experience...you don't have to understand it or agree with it. It is mine and mine alone.
*no names will be shared and this is only ONE side, my side of the story.
Happy 7 Year Anniversary to me and my hubby!!! It is the greatest honor of my life to walk by his side as his wife.
.....The dust finally started to settle in Tennessee! The divorce between the musician and I was finalized and even though I was with John and living in his home there was some serious healing of my heart that needed to be done.
Not just from him and what I had done but from all of it. The years and years of past relationships, broken hearts, devastating good byes, shameful acts, people and places and actions. So much needed to go, so much needed to be addressed, so much needed attention...
It was so overwhelming. The past hurt was the hurt that broke the back of ALL the other hurt that I had been piling on. The breakdown was coming and I was powerless to stop it!
After a bottle of pills and 5 days locked in a mental health facility I was forced to pay attention, to address the pain, to clean out the wounds and start to heal.
THANK GOD FOR THAT BREAKDOWN!
It was the ah-ha moment, the flipped switch, the game changer. It was EVERYTHING!
I walked out not changed, not healed but aware. I was aware of everything. And now the work was just getting started!
My hubby and I were married and life was finally getting started for me.
No one understood our relationship, everyone thought we were crazy. After all we had only known each other for a few short months. But it was just one of those crazy, unexplained things. We were meant to meet. I was meant to be in Nashville at that time, to get that random job and the YMCA, to have him come into my life when he did.....even the throws of all the ugliness.....we came out the other side clean of the shit and the pain and the heartache.
We love like crazy, we honor each other as individuals, we never say quit, we always talk....we overshare everything so we are never out of communication.
You would never truly understand us, even if you really knew us! We have something very unique. In a world that is trying to break down love and family and marriage.....we are standing against it, we are fighting for our life and our love.
I know 7 years may not seem like much....but it is DAILY. It represents the daily fight, the daily grind, showing up even if we don't want to, the struggle, the joy, the laughter....lots and lots of laughter. It is showing up for the crazy, battling through the brokenness, it is celebrating the little victories, it is always moving forward even when we get pulled back into our past. It is being a parent, it is drying the tears, pulling out the feelings, it is making time and missing each other...it is NEVER allowing the word divorce to be used as a threat or an option on the table, it is ALWAYS sleeping in the same bed....it is loving even when we hate...
it is showing up and LOVING EACH OTHER EVERY SINGLE DAY. That is what our 7 years represent.
To my husband of 7 years,
I really don't even know what to say or where to start. Amazing Grace, you brought me back to life. You healed me and changed me and empowered me to be anything and everything that I wanted to become. You are my better half. This works so beautifully because of you. You make me awesome. You make me strong. You make me a Big Tough Girl.
When we met our worlds were crumbling down around us. And over the years you have reminded me that it is not about finding our worth in someone else. That we need to find that for ourselves and THEN and ONLY THEN can we come in and lift each other....lift each other clear through the sky! There is no limit to our love when we are healthy and whole.
We have rebuilt each other in the hardest times. We have struggled so deeply, more than anyone would ever know. We have gone without, have lost, have been at rock bottom and then have dug even deeper than that! We have been stripped of almost everything we had and have been humbled to dust.
But we have loved and laughed and cared for and lifted up and prayed and fought and climbed and carried each other through all of it....never missing a step, never slowing down, never looking back, NEVER GIVING UP.
I don't care if people understand, I don't care if people approve, I don't care if they don't agree...I know what we have, I know who we are and I know what we want. YOU ARE ALL I NEED. All the rest is just gravy with you.....
I have gone without true love in my life, not knowing the true power behind it. YOU ENCOMPASS ALL THAT LOVE IS, ALL THAT IT WILL BECOME AND ALL THAT WE WILL ACCOMPLISH THROUGH IT. It is because of you.
I love you so much. You truly have been the single most important person in my life. God brought us together for a reason, and I know without a doubt it was because I needed someone like you to survive this life.
It is SO hard and SO scary. You push me and challenge me. You force me to think outside myself, you see things in me that I would never know existed....you make me strong. You are passionate and caring, you are a protector and and light in my life.
You are the true love of my life. You give me purpose and keep me inspired.
Thank you for loving me in my brokenness, thank you for loving me through my healing and thank you for loving me just the way I am.......
The wife. 3/7/2016