I want you to know something. I know that you are hurting. I know that you are in pain. I know that you are doing the very best that you can to cope and process and deal with everything that has happened to you.
I am also learning one very important thing...none of the things that you say, the cruel messages, the slander and gossip, the name calling and verbal abuse...none of it has to do with me. You are suffering and you don't know how to handle it or where to place your anger and frustration.
I am close so I am an easy target. I have things that you have lost and that makes you mad and angry. I am distancing myself and that makes you insecure.
I am learning so much from you and from this situation. I have watched as things fell apart, not able to do anything. Not stepping in sooner when I should have. I have watched you try and quit the fight. I am learning that I am MAD and that I am beating myself up for the names that you called me and the attack you made on my very character. I am learning that I care deeply about what people think about me...I need to be better about that. I am also learning that I don't have a very forgiving heart and I know that I NEED to work on that.
We don't really know anything about each other. We think we do but we really don't. How well can you really know someone that you are not intimately invested in. My husband, my kids, my small circle of people. There are VERY few people that really know who I am.
In one text message you attacked the very things that I have spent years trying to overcome. In one text message you made me question my very worth and existence and the kind of person that I am and the way I treat others.
I am not that person you described. I know that you are sick. I know that you are in pain and I know that I trigger something in you. I am sorry about that. I am deeply sorry that you are in pain but I know that you are projecting your grief on to me.
I want to love better, to serve better, to keep my own personal feelings more in check when things like this come up. I know I will never be able to be loved or even liked by everyone. In fact I am learning more and more that I actually have a lot of people that don't like me that much...but I think that is stemmed from very similar reasoning behind your complete and utter dislike for me.
It is never ever my intention to hurt someone. I would never go out of my way to purposely hurt you or anger you or add to your daily battle for mental health and happiness. I know it is harder for you than most.
I am deeply sorry if I have done anything that would have caused you more pain.
I am sorry that you are sick and that you are just doing the best you can to survive.
I am sorry that you are alone and that you have lost so much.
I hope one day you will see that I am not the person that you think. Maybe one day when you are not looking at life through busted glasses you will know different.
I know that all of this is misplaced. I don't have to take the abuse. No one should be treated that way no matter what you have going on...so I will set the boundaries necessary to protect myself...but I do hope and pray that you can continue to get the help you need, that you can see that I am not the enemy in your life and that you will one day see more clearly.
We will never be friends but I remember you at a different time and I know that all of this isn't you.
And more importantly I know that none of this is me.