Keep On Keeping On...

So, is it always easy?  NO!  Is it always the way one would expect it to be?  NO!  Is it always the way you would want it to be?  NO!

In reality, it's simply NEVER these things.  God has recently really put a verse on my heart that I am clinging to (honestly, more some days than others).  That verse is Exodus 14:14: "The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still."

Still...yeah, easier said than done!  I wish I had a magical answer when it comes to knowing how to be still but sadly I don't.  In life one must keep on keeping on even when things get tough.  I watch my Facebook, Instagram & Twitter feeds and friends and family are getting engaged, married, having babies, adopting babies, watching their children get older, etc.  And here I sit, realizing I've lived on a college campus for the past 12 years, and am still as single as ever.  I know, I totally sound like I'm having a pity party right now (and if I'm being honest, I kind of am) and I know I shouldn't be.  I can sit here and spout the answer of "God's got it all under control"..."All in God's timing"..."God will work it all out for His glory"...but those are words, and they don't necessarily make the heart ache feel any better.  That doesn't fill the void in my life.  That doesn't place someone on the couch when I get home from work.

I'm not saying any of this to make anyone who has said these things feel bad or guilty.  I'm simply saying these things to help people understand.  I'm also not saying what is to follow to make anyone feel bad or make them never say any of these things/never ask for help.  I am simply saying these things to help people understand.

  • I don't want to fill the void by watching others' children.
  • I don't want to fill the void by volunteering to work with kids at church.
  • I don't want to fill the void by going on a bunch of blind dates.
  • I don't want to fill the void by being your third wheel when you go out.
  • I don't want to fill the void by doing yet another "I Kissed Dating Good-bye" type of study.

To make it simple, I don't want to fill the void at this point in time with anything except what God wants to use to fill that void.  I don't know exactly what any of this will look like in the days, weeks, months, years to come but I do know that it will likely look different than it does right now or than I envision in my mind.

I've read many articles online about things not to say to single people or ways not to treat single people...just because I'm 30, single, and not a mother yet doesn't mean I'm defective or there's something wrong with me.  Please, quite thinking that's the case!

I guess I don't really know what the point of this is and I didn't sit down intending for this to come across so negative but it is where I am at and where my heart is at this point in time.

*To clarify, I love watching others' children but I don't want to do it because you think it will make me feel better.  I don't mind going out with other but I don't want to do it simply so you don't feel guilty that I'm sitting at home.  I just want the right motives behind things.