Do you ever wake up and have an idea that you simply can't put out of your mind? Do you question how you will ever be able to make that idea come to fruition? Does the idea keep you awake at night and do you find yourself having a hard time focusing on anything else because it's all you want to think about/work on?
Lately I've found that I am battling just this. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy with where I am at in life. I have been mega blessed in life. (Is that even a thing?) God has truly given me such great opportunities and gifts in my life. I have been given more than I could ever ask or imagine. Even with those things being 110% true, I still find myself asking the "what if" questions. I have discovered that the more I find answers, the more I have questions.
And then that day comes when you get that phone call, that text, that e-mail...from a friend who had that thing come true in their life. And you're stuck sitting there, questioning what you did wrong in life, why others have it and you don't, what it will take for that to be you one day. And you have to make a choice. Do you let yourself live in that self-doubt/self-pity? Or do you choose to take that news and use it as a motivator? Do you decide it's not worth it? Or do you choose to let God work through it?
I got that news on multiple levels this summer. I had to make the choice to be truly happy for those friends for real or simply pretend to be. I had to make the tough decision to not let it bring me down.
I won't lie or give you a false idea that it's always easy, or even what I want to do most days. However I have learned in life that it is what's best and what God wants.
Recently at church our sermon series has been on the subject of "God Never Said That". The pastor is talking about things that many in society have quoted for years but arent't actually in the Bible at all. Things like "God won't give you more than you can handle"or "Sins are taken care of so it's no big deal" or "Everything happens for a reason." These areas have really gotten me thinking. The part that really stuck out to me was during the first message of the series that was about God never saying "don't judge anyone...ever". Pastor Phil made an awesome statement. He said that self-righteous people and rarely self-aware people. That statement really hit me deep down. It made me realize that I was only looking at myself...only feeling bad for myself...only judging why others were getting what I want and why I wasn't and totally making myself feel like I was somehow better than them. And it opened my eyes to how pathetic that sounds.
I don't really know what any of this means right now. But what I do know is that the dreams, ideas and passions are not dying within me. They are simply being developed and cultivated. God's got it under control and one day, I will believe that 110% with my whole being but until that day, I'll keep saying it.
Interested In hearing the sermons I'm talking about? Check them out here!