#AdoptionTalk - Anything Goes

To the woman that finds herself pregnant,

I am writing you this open letter for one reason.  I have been there and I am sorry.  For some reason you have been on my mind SO much.  I have been thinking about you, praying over you and crying for you and with you even if you don't know it.  

I felt like I should write you a letter.  A letter to let you know that you are not alone, that I understand and that I believe in you.  

This is an impossible time.  

I would be willing to bet that there will never be a time in your life that you are more scared, ashamed, confused, hurt and conflicted as you are RIGHT NOW.  

 

 

I want to tell you something and it truly is my deepest prayer that you hear me.  I know that you can't "hear" much in the midst of this great cloud that is hovering over you but close your eyes, take a deep breath and listen...listen with your heart so that you know that what I am about to tell you is truth

This is your decision. NO ONE else can make you do anything that you are unsettled on. It is scary, there are lots of options and lots of information. It may seem impossible, it may seem that there is no other way BUT there is ALWAYS another way if you want it bad enough.

When I was 25 and found myself single and pregnant my entire life came crashing down around me.  Now by society's standard I should have stepped up to be a mother.  I had a job, medical insurance, my own car, my own apartment...I looked REALLY good on paper!  

But my heart, my head my soul.  Everything was a giant mess, nothing added up and nothing felt right.  I made a million lists and went back and forth a million times on what to do...

I have never changed my mind more than I did in those few months.  

I couldn't be pregnant.  That was it.  I could NOT be pregnant.  The rest didn't matter.  

AT THAT MOMENT I COULDN'T be pregnant.  

I went for the abortion. I would have had the abortion but I was too far along, it was not an option, it had been taken off the table.  I am glad for it.  

Whether we want to talk about it or not, whether we want to admit it or not...you have to made a decision.  Do you want to carry this baby to term or not.  That is the question.

When abortion was taken off the table for me then I had a new question

Parent or not parent.  

The baby was coming, whether I was ready or not, whether I wanted it to or not...

Parent or not parent.  

I could list for you the million reasons why I didn't want to parent, or "couldn't" parent.  

Yes I said I didn't want to parent....I am being totally honest with you I may be the only selfish birth mom.  I did NOT want to parent in that stage of my life.  I wanted the CHILD...just not the parenting that goes with it...THEY ARE VERY DIFFERENT!

I was very selfish in my reasons.  But in being that honest I was able to be VERY clear.  

Parent or not parent.

This is not a decision to be made lightly.  This is not a "cool trendy thing" that society is trying to portray.  This is not casual even if the relationship was.  This is about stepping into the greatest role given to a woman.  This is about watching your body do the most amazing and miraculous thing that only you can do, this is about life.  

BUT THIS IS ALSO ABOUT YOU.  

And guess what.  It is okay to make it about you.  This will effect you in ways that it wont effect others.  This will be something that you deal with, adjust to, cope with in ways that others will never see, or maybe even understand.  

You have to be willing to make a decision that is good for you...not just for the potential life that is coming.  

Parent or not parent

If there is anything that I could share with you, anything that I would want you to hear, anything that I would want you to understand it would be this...

THIS WILL CHANGE YOU FOREVER NO MATTER WHAT YOU CHOOSE.  

Lets be honest about that.  There is NO easy choice here.  Abortion, Parenting, Adoption.  

Each of them have their own unique sets of rules and challenges and consequences.  Each of them will change your very identity and each of them will be a choice that you have to live with EVERY. SINGLE. DAY for the rest of your life!  

Knowing that reality, what do you choose?  How do you choose?  

HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU EVEN BEGIN TO MAKE THIS DECISION!  

Making the decision to place my son for adoption was the hardest thing I have done in my life! But even through it all, the pain, the despair, the grief I am have calm in my decision.

Does that mean it is easy?  Hell no!  Do I have regrets, shame and disappointment?  DAILY!  

But a decision has to made.  There is NO WAY around that.  If you are pregnant and abortion is off the table then a decision has to be made.

Parent or not parent.

I know this is scary.  I know that standing up to boyfriends and parents and friends and society and church is NOT easy.  

YOU CAN DO THIS. 

If you want to parent....if you believe in the deepest parts of your soul that you want to parent THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY and I am always going to champion you in that decision.  I believe that if the women are willing to fight, to take a stand and to do a little work then it is possible for you to parent AND to be successful.  The goal is always to keep the families together! 

If you choose to place your child for adoption you are not alone.  It is not the easy path, it is not very well understood or accepted.  It is a long and lonely journey but it provides options and opportunities and second chances and if done well, open adoption can be an amazing thing...no matter how complex that journey.  

You are smart!  You have worth!  You are capable of doing ANYTHING if you truly want it!

From one woman to another, from one crisis to the next, from one Big Tough Girl™ to another you have everything you need to make this decision.  There are resources, there are options, there is HOPE in the darkness.  

I am here, standing with you.  

Now on to the Adoption Talk Linkup!

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